Week One - Homeschool Opens

On Tuesday, Sara took the bus to school for her first day of third grade. Peter, Tommy and I followed in the car, and saw her safely connected with her teacher and classmates before waving good-bye. Next, we got a cup of something each at the local coffee shop, and then headed to Staples for homeschool supplies.

We picked up a few items - velcro for our new schedule cards, magazine racks, a weekly and monthly dry-erase calendar, pencils, and so forth. More importantly, we bought a big crate in which to put all of last year's materials (including wall art, timelines, and poster presentations). It was time to clear the decks for a new year.

After all the old stuff was off the walls and stowed away, Tom and I made a list of all the categories of activities we had in mind for the year. Then we put a number next to the category to indicate how often we'd do each activity per week (Reading - 5, and so forth). Then we made up the right quantity of cards for each activity. This year, we decided to color-code - so we could find the cards more easily. So reading and writing are pink, math is green, etc. Lastly, we put velcro patches on the back of each card, so that it could be mounted on our schedule.

This chart is just a large piece of foam core, along with colored 3X5 backed with velcro. We put together a schedule every week - and often shift things around as needed.

Once that was complete (and we'd had lunch), we started filling in our monthly and weekly calendars. My hope is that, by using all these scheduling tools, Tom will get a better sense of how time flows, and how to think about and schedule activities and projects. Of course, in week one things were pretty loosey goosey - but starting next week, lots of outside activities will start up, and the calendar will become more complex.

These Dry-Erase calendars make it easy for us to see what's coming up - and for Tom to get a better sense of how time flows, and how to think about planning ahead.

We stuck the calendars up on the sliding doors (too little wall space for a homeschool, really...), and then figured out our schedules for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday (knowing a cousin would arrive on Friday afternoon!).

The space was all ready - and, it being the first day of homeschool, it seemed to me we'd done enough. So we set off for a "nature hike" down to the harbor. I stuck a baggie in my pocket, keeping in mind that we're starting our Birds unit - and lo and behold, we found several feathers to stow away for the future.

Searching E-Bay for Homeschool "Stuff"

I turned in my plan for Tom's homeschool program last week... it's similar to last year's, with a few exceptions. Here's the bare outline (much more to come):

Math - Upper Level Touchmath + weekly tutoring
Reading - List of 6th grade novels; reading comprehension with Edhelper.com
Writing - Eclectic - Writing Strands, Edhelper materials, etc.
Music - Clarinet (and possibly piano) lessons, some kind of ensemble program
Art - Mostly built into unit studies
PE - Tennis, bowling, hiking, cycling
Units (history/geog/science) - Birds, Impressionism, Ancient Egypt, Ancient Greece, North/South Poles, Water, The American West, Sound/Music

We (Tom and I) were lucky enough to discover a discounted cuisinaire rod set, a set of science materials and a KONOS kit with all kinds of cool stuf inside, and it inspired me to search Ebay for homeschool goodies. I've already ordered a pile of videos - but am surprised at how little seems to be available that's anything like the KONOS box. Somehow, I expected homeschoolers to be out there creating amazing kits full of wonderful art materials, science stuff, explorations... But it all seems to be books, software and videos with an occasional lapbook or something added for good measure.

For all you veteran homeschoolers out there - what's great?? And what's especially great for a kid who needs lots of inspiration when trying to stay on task doing anything with his two hands? I'm collecting Usborne and DK books and videos... using Edhelper and Enchanted Learning online, and of course making good use of all kinds of local programs, events and resources. But with all that, I'm kinda feeling uninspired, and hoping to find some great hands-on kits.

Am I missing something terrific??

Aut-2B-Home
Power By Ringsurf

Pirates... ARGH!

Today we went on a pirate adventure. I'd had my eye on this family excursion for several years - and figured it was now or never!

Tom and Sara point to landmarks shown on the treasure map.

Tom demonstrates that X marks the spot.

Bad guy pirate having a water fight with our brave crew.

Dangerous Dan the pirate hauls up the "buried" treasure, which was marked with a floating X

Tom watches as Sara holds up the key to the treasure.

If anyone reading this blog happens to be in Hyannis, MA during the summer, make a point of checking out the Pirate Adventure ship on Ocean Dock. This probably isn't for every kid on the autism spectrum - but for us, it was an absolutely terrific experience.

The boat is a real boat, outfitted like a pirate vessel. The pirates are three charming Irishmen (according to them, Irishmen make the best pirates!). The experience was timed down to the minute - and not only were the kids, ages 2-12, engaged for the entire hour and a half, but they also learned something about maps, points of the compass, landmarks... and water cannons.

The boat took off exactly on time, but since we had been asked to turn up half an hour early there was time to choose a pirate vest and get a painted-on "tatoo." On board, the "pirates" immediately provided the kids with clear rules and directions that kept them focused and on task ("all hands on deck" means gather in the bow and put your hands on the floor; "look out positions" means stand on low benches along the rail and look out to sea; and so forth).

There was a storyline that involved real, honest-to-goodness experiences - a "bad" pirate on a sailboat who was squirted with cannons but later was taken aboard as his ship had begun to "sink." A real "treasure" that was found with the aid of a legitimate map of the area. Real flags to be raised and lowered.

Tom, at 12, was the oldest child on the boat - and by far the tallest. But that really didn't matter. He was a little anxious with so many kids around (maybe 20 kids), and not quite sure what to make of the squirting water. But overall he was engaged, took part in almost every aspect of the adventure, and talked about it with real understanding afterwards. Sure, he got overexcited here and there - but wow, what a great time.

I think it was the combination of clear structure, kind actors, and the intrinsic interest of the experience that made it work for Tom. Put it on your list if you're on the Cape anytime soon!

Aut-2B-Home
Power By Ringsurf

Any Advice on Bikes and Autism...?!!

Tom never really learned to ride a tricycle. In past years, we used a "tagalong" attached to an adult bike, and that worked reasonably well. Now that he's 12, I've used a rented tandem... but at $25 for a half day it's a pretty pricey option.

I decided to try to teach him to ride a bike.

He agreed.

We tried on grass. He fell. The grass was wet. He melted down completely.

We tried on a tennis court. He fell. He didn't even scratch a pinky. He melted down completely, burst into tears, stamped his feet, and ran away.

Now, we COULD try training wheels - but with a 5 foot tall 12 year old??

We COULD quit, but we have a 12-mile long bike trail going in just down the road, and it'll be a fabulous route through tidal marshes, woods, cranberry bogs... I am NOT going to miss out on that, and I want Tom to enjoy it too.

Any thoughts much appreciated!


Aut-2B-Home
Power By Ringsurf

A Musical Triumph - A Band Camp That Worked

Today, Tom (age 12) played his clarinet in a concert that marked the end of a two-week "band camp" program - and when it was over he came up to me with a beaming smile, saw my face, and said "You're thrilled!" I was.

The camp program, which included as many high school aged "staff members" as it did "campers," was mainly geared to middle school and high school kids with a serious interest in music. Out of about 30 kids, only two were younger than Tom - and most were much older. So far as I know, Tom was the only camper with "special needs," and the camp was in no way therapeutic: it was three hours a day of solid, intensive, challenging music instruction.

At the end, these kids were playing far above the usual junior high and high school level of performance. The pieces were truly challenging: "Take Five," "The Barber of Seville," "Phantom of the Opera," and so on. Tom is a solid clarinet player with some experience playing in bands - but he's never performed on this level.

What made this program work for Tom?

The bottom line for success wasn't knowledge of autism, specialized instruction or expensive aides. Instead it was, very simply, good teaching - and a knowledge of what makes kids tick.
George, the band leader in charge of the program, knew of Tom's autism. Joe, the woodwind instructor, learned about Tom's diagnosis on day one. Between the two of them, here are the simple, low-tech, highly effective steps they took to make the experience successful for Tom:

1. 
   
   
   Transposing the actual sheet music so that it reflected a 6th grade level of musical knowledge (clarinetists don't seem to play the upper register until they're older than Tom is)


2. 
   
   Spending a little one-on-one time with Tom to be sure he was truly reading and following the music.


3. 
   
   Seating Tom front and center in front of the conductor, and from time to time recalling his attention by saying his name.


4. 
   
   Occasionally seating a high schooler next to Tom to be sure he was following the more difficult music (apparently he was playing the flute part by ear instead of reading the clarinet part!)


5. 
   
   Providing regular high fives and encouragement (something all the students received throughout the two weeks)


6. 
   
   Focusing on the music rather than on acquisition of "appropriate social skills."

Both my husband Peter and I found ourselves thinking "If only the school district had put accommodations like this in place, we may never have needed to start home schooling!" But they didn't. And we did.

Parents and teachers may disagree with me, but I have a theory about why Tom has done so well in the last year with community inclusion.

This year, we placed him in typical small-group programs - including music, bowling, tennis, gym, and so forth - with instructors who had no training at all in working with kids with autism. But those instructors - Henry, George, Scott, Mike, Steve - were all men. Men teach differently from women: in general they're more focused on skills and outcomes than on process, more concrete in their directions, and less likely to worry about whether members of a group are sharing thoughts and feelings. For Tom, all these elements seem to be plusses.

Up until this year, Tom had never worked with men - mainly because there are so few males in educational or therapeutic roles, and everything he did involved teachers and therapists.

Every one of the men Tom has worked with this year has an agenda - but none of those agendas has anything to do with social skills, behavioral therapy or even making friends. Their agenda is focused on building skills and having fun. And Tom can do both. In fact, he does a terrific job at bowling, swimming, tennis, music and much more: his challenge is not the activity but social communication.

I'm not suggesting that Tom doesn't need help with social communication. And I'm certainly not suggesting that he will never again work with women (in fact, he will be working with a terrific female math tutor and a spectacular female speech therapist in the fall).

But I've got to say that community programs run by men and focused on real, meaningful outcomes have made a huge difference in our lives. And what really delights me is knowing that all of these activities - music, sports, hiking, birding, and more - can be a part of Tom's life for as long as he lives.

Aut-2B-Home
Power By Ringsurf

Why Great Teachers Are... Great!

Aut-2B-Home
Power By Ringsurf

Summer on Cape Cod. You really can't beat it! So far, it's been a great experience for us, and for Tom.

We started out with a week of YMCA daycamp for both Tom and his sister, and for the first time we dropped off and picked up with no special support provided for him. Two things made this easier: first, we were able to place him in the same group as Sara - and though he was the youngest in the group, it was a good match. Sara could help him as needed (not too often, really), and the expectations were slightly lower. Second, the YMCA staff already knew Tom from homeschool gym, and knew just what to expect - and the same staff worked in the camp as worked in the homeschool gym program.

After Y camp, we had a few weeks of mellowness (beaching, trying out a tandem bike - great for him, less great for me - and general Cape Cod exploring).

Tom's 12th birthday went adequately... we invited the boys from down the street; the cake and pizza went fine, but then Tom disappeared quietly into his room and we couldn't get him to join in the festivities for love nor money. Still, he got his "shopping spree" (with birthday money), which is always a great hit!

And THEN - Tom started in on his Sounds of Summer music camp. This is a two-week morning program offered at the local private school and run by the head of education for the Cape Cod Symphony. Most of the kids are older than Tom - he's 12, but some of them are high schoolers. We talked at some length with George, the camp director, and he had seemed to have no qualms about including an autistic clarinetist.

On the first day, it turned out that the instructor who was working with the woodwinds had NOT been informed of Tom's autism - but he was more than willing to talk with us at length about his needs. On the second day, Tom seemed to do much better, especially since George had kindly revised Tom's sheet music to the range that he's used to playing (12 year olds aren't taught the upper register on the clarinet!). On the third day, George was much more worried about the junior counselors and getting the trombones and timpani focused than he was about Tom - who was doing just great!

Today, I figured out just why he's doing so well.

With no fanfare whatever, George placed Tom front and center, in front of the conductor. When he's about to start the band playing, he makes sure Tom is paying attention - and when he isn't, he just says "Tommy!" and Tom is focused. When a part is especially tough, he has one of the junior counselors sit beside Tom, and help him follow the clarinet part (some of these pieces are tough even for the high schoolers!). As a result of all this, Tom is absolutely comfortable with camp, with the musical challenge, AND with the group - and his social anxiety seems to have lifted significantly. He doesn't chat with the older kids, but he's okay with asking for help, asking questions, smiling... Tomorrow is the Big Concert, and we're bringing presents.

Bear in mind that George has never been trained in special needs. He's just a very, very good teacher.

Sort of like the tennis teacher who's working with Tom now, 1:1, at the local tennis center. Scott says he likes working with all kinds of kids, and Tom is no exception The tennis was Tom's idea, so he's engaged and eager to play - and Scott says he's doing great. You can see why: he actually puts his hands on Tom's shoulders to show him where and how to stand and swing; he started off very easily so Tom could be successful. Now, Tommy is actually hitting the ball quite well; I'm hoping he'll be ready for a group experience in the fall.

This is what I'd hoped homeschool would be about: finding the right opportunities for inclusion, so that Tom could succeed in areas that had the potential to be important throughout his life. So far, so good.

Money and Autism - How Do You Make the Connection?

This weekend, for the first time, I took the kids Yard Saling. It being Memorial Day weekend on Cape Cod, there were pickings aplenty, and I told the kids they could buy just one thing at each sale.

At the first house, we found a terrific tub of stuffed toys; each child picked one out and spent a quarter apiece.

At the second house, though, there were few worthwhile items... Tom decided, though, that he HAD to buy something - and picked out a jigsaw puzzle in a plastic baggie. Now, Tom has never, ever put together a puzzle, nor has he shown any interest in puzzles. What's more, there wasn't even an interesting picture on a box to grab his imagination. He just wanted to spend his money.

I nixed the deal. One second later, he had dissolved in tears. He told me I had done a wrong thing to him, and hurt his feelings, and that he was very very angry. Naturally, I got angry too, and ordered both kids into the car.

Despite all the frustrations, though, we still followed the sign to "just one more" flea market. There, we found several great buys - including a bag of toys that really were just right for Tom, and a $5 bicycle for Sara! I also picked up an almost-new blanket for Tom's bed, since his old blanket was falling apart.

The next day, Tom had earned a dollar for helping around the house and he was desperate to spend it on something... anything. Again we stopped at a Flea Market. Again it was basically a collection of junk. Again I told him "no," and again he dissolved in tears.

It seems to me that money SHOULD offer a wonderful opportunity for homeschooling around math, culture, values, and so forth. But for most kids the idea of saving for one big thing holds a lot of fascination. For Tom, even the tiniest object - a 50 cent plastic toy at Walmart - is just as exciting as, say, a Wii or an X-Box. There's no point in saving if there's nothing to save FOR - and no point in putting your money away if a broken pen is an object of desire.

We've tried allowances and earning, and of course he's glad to get the cash. He's allowed to go on a "shopping spree" with the money at hand for his birthday, and we do a subtraction exercise to keep him on track.

But overall, his sense of the value of money is ... zero. He can count change, but the IDEA of a dollar means very little. He can price a toy, but sees no difference in relative value. Since he prizes things that are valueless to others, he can collect an infinite amount of "valuable" junk for no money at all.

So far, I can't come up with any clever ideas for making money matter to Tom... nor can I envision him becoming savvier about relative values of objects since everything and nothing is all the same to him.

Any thoughts?!

Synethesia: Strange Confluence of Sight, Sound, and Mind

This is just so freaky and amazing, I have to share it.

After reading a few lines in a book about something called synethesia, I got interested. Apparently, quite a few people have an odd brain wiring such that letters, numbers, and/or musical notes are linked with colors. When they see a letter or number, and/or hear a musical note, they "see" a particular color in their minds.

Apparently, this odd quality is particularly common among people with autism.

On a whim, I asked Tom if he sees colors when he plays notes on the piano. Oh, yes, he said, he does!

C=red
D=orange
E=yellow
F=green
G=blue
A="pink"
B=violet

I drew a series of dots in the colors he gave me, and aked him to play them on the piano. He played Frere Jacques flawlessly.

I looked up synethesia, and found that there's a close link between synesthesia relative to music - and perfect pitch.

It wasn't until today that I realized something else: the series of colors Tommy gave me is consistent with the achronym ROY G BIV. For anyone who's studied optics or astronomy, that acronym will be familiar: it's the colors of the optical spectrum, the order they appear in a prism, or in a rainbow. The only "off" color was pink - and that's because the correct color is "indigo."

Tommy has never heard the word "indigo."

Does anyone know anything more about this amazing collection of coincidences? I've emailed a couple of researchers in the field of synesthesia, but nothing so far!

Arts and Crafts: A "Native American" Loom

This winter, we focused on colonial America and the Wampanoag indians. I can't say all the readings and maps were a huge hit, but we did create a home made "native american" loom which Tom used to make a mini-blanket -- and THAT was a surprisingly successful idea. As you may know, kids with autism aren't known for their fine motor skills, and Tom's drawing and handwriting attest to that. But in this case, interest overcame potential frustrations!

We used a process described below (you'll find it on EdHelper) - and Tommy stuck with the project for several days until it was complete. Later, we visited a local arts center, and he was fascinated by a full-scale loom that "lives" there. To follow up, I've made a date to visit the weaver's studio!

In this picture, Tom is starting to create his loom with the help of speech therapist Kathleen Florance.

Cutting slits to make the loom

Weaving

The final product: a blanket for "Kitten"

Partial Instructions From EdHelper.com

2) Cut a 5" by 8" piece of cardboard for each student. Mark short lines a half inch apart
along the 5" wide section on the top and bottom. Draw a line one half inch in from
the top and bottom. Cut slits at the marks. (see photo) The loom can be made
slightly larger for older students, or if the student wishes to make a pouch. The
finished fabric will be about 1" shorter and 1" narrower than the size of the loom.

3) Thread the warp. Take a piece of yarn and put it into a slit at one corner, leaving a
3"-4" piece of yarn on the back of the cardboard, you can tape it into place if needed.
Bring the yarn down the front of the cardboard piece and into the slit at the bottom.
Then bring it back up in the slit next to it. Now bring the yarn back to the next slit on
the top edge of the loom, put it into the slit. Bring it back to the front using the slit
next to it, and so on. The warp yarn should be pulled snug as it is being threaded,
but not so snug that it bends the cardboard.

4) Cut some cardboard rectangles 2 inches by 1 inch wide to make shuttles for the
yarn. Wrap a 3 ft to 6 ft piece of yarn around the shuttle. Then begin weaving by
gently pulling up on every other thread and passing the yarn beneath it. Then head
back again, making sure to go under every warp thread that has a thread over it. At
the end of each row, tug on the yarn gently only, or the warp yarns will get pulled out
of place. Also after each row is complete, push the yarn up snug against the
previous rows.

5) When changing colors of yarn, simply weave the end of the yarn into the design, and
then start a new color.

6) When getting to the bottom inch of the weaving, the yarn can no longer be wound on
the shuttles, and will simply need to be woven with fingers. Continue to push the
yarn up snugly against the previous rows.

7) Remove the weaving from the cardboard. There will be loops at either end. A dowel
or stick can be threaded through the loops to make a hanging, or the threads can be
gently redistributed to fill in the loops. This is part of the reason why they need to be
pushed snugly against each other during the weaving.

What Makes a Friend?

A while back, I noted that Tommy had really connected with the two boys with whom he was taking a mediocre writing/math homeschool class. Well, I think I was wrong.

It's not that he actively DISlikes the kids. But both have their issues (on is fairly severely autistic), and I have a bad feeling that they remind him of the kids in his old class. The boy with autism has gone through a lot of ABA, and he is bound and determined to make Tommy his friend by tellin him what to do and how to do it. Tommy, who always appears more "autistic" among other folks with autism, climbs into his shell and simply pretends he's not there.

After the class, he'll say the boy is his friend. Well, that's what he said about all the kids in his class. It took ages to get out of him that he frankly didn't like several of them - and had no great love for ANY of them!

Last week, we went out to lunch after class - and happened to meet up with the more typical boy and his mom. Tom, who is usually the first to open his menu and choose a meal, seemed incapable of handling or reading a menu... unable to carry on even a basic back and forth dialog... or speaking intelligibly to the waiter.

It was like he'd lost five years of skills.

Of course, he was fine shortly after. But what was THAT all about?! Peter says he thinks this little group is dragging Tommy backwards. I'm afraid he's quite right.

A Blogger Award from Canvas Grey!

How neat to get a prize from The Canvas Grey! Thanks so very much - this blogosphere thing is a ton of fun!

I got another similar award earlier this year from Harold Doherty of Facing Autism in New Brunswick - but hadn't started this blog and couldn't make an "official" announcement on autism.about.com. Here's what Harold had to say about the About.com Autism site:

Notwithstanding her affinity for the neurodiversity perspective and my aversion to that socio-political movement we were able to exchange views rationally on such topics as curing autism, autism realities etc. I give Ms. Rudy most of the credit for that. She has also taken the generous step of referencing my perspective and this blog site on About Autism.com actions which I genuinely appreciate. I thank Ms. Rudy for her calm rational discussion of autism issues with someone from outside the neurodiversity perspective. Ms. Rudy's words about a spectrum of autism perspectives are worth remembering.

Thanks to you, too, Harold!

One of the most complex aspects of the "autism world" is its diversity - and I'm very proud to say that I have friends in all its corners.

Cheers!

Perspective-Taking and the Written Word

In the last few days, I've asked Tom to do several "perspective-taking" writing projects. It turns out this is remarkably easy for him - especially given that kids with autism are supposed to have a TERRIBLE time with perspective taking. Hm. Maybe it's easier for him to take the perspective of fictional characters than of real people?

The first project was a little piece describing the experiences of Mike Teavee, a character in Charlie and the Chocolate factory. No prob. Tom immediately plunged himself into Mike's P/V, and wrote in the first person about his adventures. It seemed clear that he could have written a good deal more if he'd narrated rather than physically wrote - but he did squeak out a few paragraphs (we're still working on what a paragraph IS, so he needed some help with that). He also needed some prompting to get out the details (what does Mike like best? etc.).

The second project was a letter to James of James and the Giant Peach, offering James ideas on how to get his aunts to treat him better. With NO prompting, Tom wrote a lovely note explaining that James should get away from those aunts and go to New York City! Again, he had a lot more ideas that could have been included had he been narrating versus writing.

He's a good writer.

Now the question is - do I work on grammar and structure? Detailed story-telling? Perspective-taking in real life? Typing versus handwriting? Do I let him narrate while I type? ALL of the above?!!

Or... do I back off of writing (since he's already pretty good, after all) - and focus extra time on math, social skills, fine and gross motor (his weaknesses)? If only the answers were clear cut!

When Imagination Meets A Brick Wall

People with autism perseverate. I'd never heard the word before Tommy came along - back in the olden days we called it "spinning your wheels," "talking about the same thing over and over," or just plain "being boring."

At first, Tom's perseveration was not really contentful. He'd recite scripts from TV shows... recite poems... or just talk gibberish.

Now, he's really quite imaginative, and I KNOW I should appreciate it. Usually I do! Today, though, I am bored, bored, BORED with Tom's imaginary world.

We're working on a unit about Massachusetts history, and recently traced the path of the Mayflower from "old" to "new" Plymouth. Tom is trying to find a way to turn Massachusetts history into a story about his favorite old pal, Lizard.

Tom: "Lizard has a Mayflower."
Me: "What do you mean? You mean a real Mayflower boat?"
Tom: "Yes, he has a real Mayflower boat, and he sails it with his friends."
Dad: "Tom, the real Mayflower isn't around anymore. It sailed more than 400 years ago!"
Tom: "What happened to the Mayflower?"
Me: "I think it sank."
Tom: "Lizard's Mayflower didn't sink."
Me: "Tom, can't we talk about something real, just for a minute?"
Tom: "OK, OK - the real Mayflower was 400 years ago and it sank in the sea. NOW can we talk about Lizard?"
Me: "Oh, Tom, can we NOT talk about Lizard for a while?"
Tom: "I WANT to talk about LIZARD!"
Me: "I'm going to clear the dishes!"

Now, honestly, this is a pretty great and impressive conversation. It shows that Tom really did understand that the Mayflower was a real ship... that it carried pilgrims to American... that it sank... and that's HUGE! And I know - a good autism Mom would encourage that conversation, build on his interests, and help him get beyond perseveration to real symbolic language and conversation.

But the truth is - Lizard is starting to bore me.

Lizard's always here. ALWAYS. And love him as I might, he gets... a little dull. Lizard has everything. He is all things to all people. He's a great reptile. He even has his faced carved on a mountain (Tom sculpted Lizard's face out of clay and stuck it onto the model mountain he and Dad are building for the model railway). Lizard has a golden palace... a giant hotel... a white and gold train, a sailing ship, a racecar, a restaurant, a playground... you get the picture.

Lizard is the ultimate good guy (unlike his pal Sid, the Skeleton, whose job is to whack badguys in scary, brutal ways).

Lizard is the Superego, Sid is the Id. And Tom's working on finding his own place.

It's not that I don't appreciate Lizard. But I think I need a break.

Tomorrow I'll work on finding more ways to let Lizard come out and play - and help Tom learn math, care about history, and explore literature. Maybe we'll even invite Sid to come out and whack a few baddies.

For tonite, though, it's ENOUGH! Lizard, take a nap!

Homeschool Gym

I like the YMCA. Ever since I started working for a client who does fundraising for YMCA's, I've been impressed. They don't just spout values: they teach them. They don't just talk about inclusion: they do it. When I wanted a camp program for kids with autism, I went to the Y. They created one. It wasn't the ultimate therapeutic program - it was a YMCA daycamp that supported kids with autism.

So, even though it's a half-hour drive, I immediately signed up when I saw homeschool gym offered at a nearby YMCA.

And, by golly, my optimism was validated.

These guys are AWESOME. A Y staffer named Mike actually got Tom (and two "typically developing" boys) to "head" soccer balls, pass to team mates, and even try to steal the ball. Then a staffer named Eric got Tom swimming laps, practicing strokes, and taking his turn on the water slide.

True, Tom is a little different... he flaps a bit here and there... he's not the world's best athlete.

But guess what? He actually had a terrific time.

Leaving me TWO HOURS a week to ... oh, say, work out at the YMCA!

When It Comes to Homeschool and Autism - What's the Goal?

This question has really been plaguing me recently. Many homeschool books (and educational advocates) say you should have a vision for your child. You know - that he should achieve X by Y time... that he should have these skills, live this type of life, etc. That way, even if the vision changes, you can still measure your progress based on SOMETHING.

I resisted this idea for the longest time, becaue the whole idea of "steering" my kids just got under my skin. But for Tommy, it does seem important to know what I'm pushing toward.

One day, I think "this child has what it takes to be a real musician. and it's up to me and his dad to find the opportunities and to push him forward." When I think that way, I focus on getting him to the point where he can really manage situations independently; pass tests; manage people; and, of course, excel in music. I look for ensemble groups, and imagine preparing him for auditions for the Boston Symphony Youth Orchestra.

The next day I think, "if this child can just carry on a conversation for more than two exchanges without reverting to a monologue about his imaginary lizard, it will be a miracle!" Then I focus on social skills training, life skills, and teaching "math you can use."

So which is it? And it's not good enough to see "let's see where life takes him," because we're the folks in charge of deciding what life will actually OFFER!

One big problem with having specific goals (like music school) is that it assumes certain passions on Tom's part that I'm not sure are there. Sure, he enjoys playing clarinet, and he's better than the average 5th grader. But it's not because of a passion for music (at least I don't think it is). Rather, I believe he plays well because he has perfect pitch, and because he enjoys practicing. And he seems to enjoy practicing mostly because it's an anxiety-reducing activity. It reduces anxiety because he KNOWS what it takes to get the music right.

But he doesn't play piano or clarinet on his own. We always have to tell him it's time. He's always a little reluctant to go to lessons, or to the "hot jazz group."

So is it just a hobby? Or is it a career direction? Should we be pushing the life skills - or the academics? Should we be coaching him to fit expectations - or to follow his own path? I know that all these things are important, but a schedule that includes EVERYTHING could give us all anxiety attacks!

Bottom line: when it comes to homeschool and autism, what matters most?

Miss Prickles

Tom is a natural with animals. His special interests within the animal kingdom are sea creatures; reptiles; and a few selected individual species (penguins, hedgehogs, pigeons, skunks...). I've often imagined that he could grow into a job involving work with animals - anything from zoo keeper to animal researcher to naturalist.

Having worked in the museum world for so many years, and seen so many young kids thrive in that rather unusual environment, I've hoped that Tom could find a volunteer opportunity in such a setting. Of course, he's only 11 - so I hadn't pushed much so far. Besides, in Philadelphia most of the opportunities are at larger institutions which can have their pick of volunteers - and a preteen with autism isn't most people's idea of the ideal volunteer.

Here on Cape Cod, though, there are fewer kids - and quite a few scientific and naturalist organizations that run year round. I'd heard good things about a local nature center in Sandwich - and a few weeks ago, when I had a lot of deadlines to hit, I asked Peter to take Tom over to Sandwich to a little live animal show. Tom was the oldest homeschooler there (most were 3-7 years old), which made it perfect for him.

The naturalist introduced the group to Miss Prickles, a real hedgehog - and Tom immediately connected with her. He also met a few other small mammals, all of which he told me about eagerly when he got home.

Of course, Tom has had many, many opportunities to meet and greet live animals. We have two cats, of whom he is extremely fond (and the affection is returned!). He's petted an anaconda, held a Madagascar hissing cockroad, chatted with a macaw... but this was the first time that the staff member actually mentioned that they would be open to young volunteers turning up on a regular basis to help feed and exercise the critters.

This may be a very real opportunity for us: the first time that Tommy has been asked to take responsiblity for a living thing outside himself. And the first time that he'll be made responsible for something outside of his own daily activities.

Fingers crossed that we can work it out - hopefully starting next January.

Men Versus Women

In recent weeks, we've become more and more certain of something we'd guessed at for a long time: Tommy almost always learns better from men than from women.

My theory is that women are much more focused than men on building a relationship. So they work hard to figure out what makes Tommy happy ... and they work equally hard at making sure they don' t upset him. Tommy, no dummy, has figured out how to work that to his advantage. He opens his big brown eyes with the long long lashes and says "does this mean you're ANGRY with me?" To which the wonderful, supportive women in his life say "oh NO, Tommy, I'm not angry with you" - and they immediately back off.

Tom is delighted, since he's not being challenged or pushed. Everyone is happy. But Tommy has learned very little except how to "manage" yet another teacher.

Men, on the other hand, seem more focused on getting across an idea, a skill, or a technique. Rathering than gazing deeply into Tommy's eyes, they simply say "okay, let's go!" And Tom rises to the challenge. So far, he's done far better with male therapists (with the sole exception of our present wonderful - female - therapist!), male swim teachers, male camp counselors, male music teachers. Of course, like most young children, he's never had a male school teacher, so I can't speak to that.

This week, though, we finally decided he'd snowed his lovely (female) piano teacher enough. We're sticking with clarinet and the very straightforward male teacher we've chosen - who has already pushed Tom to do much more than we'd hoped for. We're sticking with the jazz ensemble, where the band leader really doesn't care whether Tom is autistic or not - so long as he keeps up with the group (so far so good). And we're "trying out" a male math tutor this coming week.

Maybe I have the wrong idea about gender differences. After all, in general women really are more pragmatic than men. But in the case of Tom and his autism, it seems that gentle, kind, careful instruction just doesn't cut it - he needs high expectations and - it seems - very little attention paid to his so-called "disabilities."

Problems with Patterns

Tommy's autism means that when he learns something, he learns exactly that thing that he is taught. For example, when he learns math with manipulatives, he learns to use manipulatives. He doesn't learn the theory behind the manipulatives. He doesn't learn to substitute symbols for manipulatives. And so, without the manipulatives, he has no clue what to do.

This is becoming more and more of an issue as we work on multiplication. Yes, he can now use charts which he made himself (by skip-counting) to do multiplication of single numbers through the tens tables. And he can multiply a double-digit number by a single digit number with no carrying. This is WAY more than he could do at the end of last year.

BUT - he still doesn't seem to really understand why he can do what he can do.

For example - he created his 2 times chart by putting an X on every other number. So when he sees 2X10, he simply counts ten X's, and when he's done - his finger is on the 20. He's solved the problem, and puts down the right number. But he doesn't actually know how to skip-count by twos. I know this because I've made sequencing worksheets for him - and he has a terrible time with them.

I've showed him the pattern: 0, 2, 4, 6, 8, 0. He can get that pattern and repeat it, saying twenty TWO, twenty FOUR, twenty SIX twenty EIGHT. But he still doesn't understand that 30 comes next. Instead, he says "zero."

If I hand him his chart, he reads it accurately - but again, he's just reading it, not understanding it.

I'd love to be able to say "if he can solve the problem, what difference does it make how well he understands the process?" But I'm pretty sure that it matters. These are basic, simple patterns - patterns that should be self-evident. But they're opaque to Tom.

Social Studies and Geography

We were furious with the public schools for the fact that they did absolutely NOTHING for our kids with autism in the way of teaching about maps, geography, history or culture. They would occasionally hand out a printable sheet on George Washington or Martin Luther King (in keeping with the holidays) - but these were disjointed bits of fluff - and meant nothing to Tommy (or, frankly, to us).

We had asked specifically to have map skills included in Tom's IEP - but were told that it was not appropriate to include it because... it wasn't a measurable skill (we assured them that it is)... it's not a core skill (we insisted that it is)... and, basically, they didn't wanna. We did a little bit with Google Earth and globes - but he was still waaay behind in that area.

At the very beginning of the school year, on our first trip to Staples, I picked up a map of the US and a map of the Earth. I also downloaded a bunch of printable maps from Enchanted Learning, and looked for ways to incorporate maps, geography, history and culture into our curriculum.

Whales and whaling was a great topic for this: we looked at maps of Cape Cod and the islands... found Nantucket, the Stellwagon Banks (where whales congregate all summer), New Bedford, and maps of whale migrations. We charted the migratory path of the gray whale on a map of North America, identifying Canada, Mexico, and all the states along the west coast.

I also found a website for a book called "You Wouldn't Want to Work on the Whaling Ship Essex," which is an interactive version of a kids' book by the same name. We read it together, and learned about whaling, uses of whale oil and baleen, where whales were hunted, what whaling ships were like, and so forth. I got him to think about the ethics of whaling, and he wrote his very first opinion piece on the subject (no, the whalers were not "bad guys," but nowadays we watch whales instead of hunting them!).

I asked Tom to pick a whale to learn more about, and he picked the Orca (killer whale). So we watched Free Willy and wrote a little bit about that... read up on orcas... charted their range (they live virtually everywhere)... found out about their diets and lifestyles... found a bunch of photos... and created an Orca poster. We discovered (no surprise) that he had exactly zero skills in skimming a table of contents, using an index, or taking notes - so we began teaching some of those skills (there's a looong way to go!).

Tom enjoyed creating the poster, but the truth is that he doesn't yet have the executive skills to come up with headers, lay them out, and organize the information. So we found the info together; he typed it up, I did a lot of the layout. Then Tom glued everything down - and voila! His very first presentation poster.

At the end of the unit, we took a trip to the New Bedford Whaling Museum (less than an hour away). One of the great things about Tommy is that he has no idea that loving museums is uncool - and he is actually able and willing to spend hours poring over artifacts and art! He was especially interested in the huge skeleton of the baby blue whale, model whaling ships, and a few painting of whalers harpooning whales. He identified harpoons, and learned about different equipment used on the ships. They even had a 1/2 scale model of a whaling ship (under construction, so we could look but couldn't climb aboard) and an interior model of a whaler where kids could "sleep" in whalers' berths.

After the museum, we had lunch - then took a stroll down to the harbor, climbed aboard a schooner, checked out the scallop dredgers, and looked at the big fishing boats and barges... all in all, a good day.

We have a very long way to go, though, before Tom is able to put the unit into historic context - or really read a map properly. To that end, we do a few worksheets from time to time... I bought a US states puzzle... but I'm guessing the breakthrough will happen when he and his dad begin mapping out their plans for the Great Garden Railway!

Music

When Tommy was seven years old, a friend of ours made us a gift of a clarinet. Tommy was intrigued, and seemed interested in learning to play. So... I embarked on a multi-month process of looking for a teacher who would teach clarinet to a seven year old with autism and significant "behaviors."

We were lucky to find a very young woman who really didn't mind taking on a "different" student. In fact, she was already teaching a young teen with Asperger syndrome - and seemed to be taking it in stride. So Tom started learning.

His teacher thought, since he was so young (and we had a piano in the house) that she'd teach him a little piano at the same time. For the first months, Tommy basically shoved toys in to the bell of the clarinet - but he could blow it correctly, played a few notes, and seemed to really enjoy piano.

The down side was that he point blank refused to play ANYthing new in his lessons. So his teacher taught me - and I coaxed Tom - and he'd come to the next lesson with his new music pretty well learned. It was clear that he had a good ear, and over time he really got pretty proficient. What's more, he's never had a moment of stage fright - so has appeared in concerts, recitals and even talent shows over the years.

Last year, he started in 4th grade band - with me or Peter sitting next to him at every rehearsal and performance. He didn't need us for moral support - or even to help him cope with the timpani and cymbals located two inches from his head. He just needed a little extra help in staying focused on the music, finding the right measure, and flipping to the right page quickly.

Since music seems to be Tom's real talent and point of pride, we've put a lot of energy into helping him do well. Not long ago, Peter actually arranged for us to get a private backstage tour of the Kimmel Center in Philadelphia - and Tom got to play on the stage! (I think this may have been the first and last time such a thing was allowed... evidently the union was not thrilled.)

So before we arrived on Cape Cod, we did a lot of research to find him a clarinet teacher, a piano teacher, and an opportunity to play in some kind of ensemble. We found an older man with a tremendous talent and a great teaching style to work with Tom on clarinet. He has a piano teacher who seems to "get" him.

And he's playing with the 5th and 6th grade students at the middle school in a group called "hot jazz." With great courage, Peter simply told Tom to go ahead and sit up on the stage with the rest of the clarinets - and he did! From what we can tell (watching from the seats) he's handling it just fine. Of course, he practices his pieces with his private teacher - who can help him learn any new notes, new techniques, and so forth. And he's doing it! Of course, he has yet to exchange a single word or smile with another band member... but he's there. He's playing. And though he appears shy, he's very much a part of the band.

Last month, we learned from the clarinet teacher that Tom, who has a terrible time reading music (we have to label much of it with letters) and an even worse time reading half, whole and quarter notes, has perfect pitch. Now he's learning most of his music by ear: repeating and playing along with his teacher.

We are fondly hoping that, in a couple of years, he'll be able to play with the town band - which does march tunes and the like in the harborside band shell. And to be honest, I think he'll be able to do it! It's nice to have fond - and reasonably realistic - hopes and dreams for our boy... just like any other mom and dad.